We all have those friends that we’ve known for many, many years but only actually see once every few years, right? Yet, there may have been a time when you were very close and spent a lot of time together. Fortunately, we have amazing technology now which allows us to continually share our lives together from afar.
Well, I have a few of those friends that I very seldom see or get to spend time with. It makes me so very sad that our lives have taken different directions, but I realized today just how incredibly bonded I am to those friends still.
In speaking with one of those friends on the phone today, whom I’ve known for nearly 25 years, I received a detailed account of her interpretation on how I handle grief. I was surprised at how perfectly accurate she was at remembering and understanding how I still handle grief in my life.
Something else that struck me was that I’ve only seen this friend twice in the last 20 years, although we were very close the first four years we knew each other. In fact, I even stayed in her home for a few weeks after my house burned down until I was able to get into another home.
Twice in 20 years, and this friend still knew me so very well, in fact better than anyone in my family! So what does that say about the connections we make in life?
There’s a meme that I’ve seen on social media quite a few times which says, “Some friends come into your life for a reason, others come only for a season.” There are many people I’ve considered friends whom I no longer have any contact with. There are friends I’ve lost contact with for many years who’ve resurfaced in my life due to the ease of technology. Yet, through all of the distances, absences and re-connections, I’ve learned just how incredible those relationships have been and how much of ours hearts we’ve shared together.
I’ve heard many statements from people known and unknown such as, “Nobody understands” or “They couldn’t possible know how I feel” or “You couldn’t walk a block in my shoes”. Stop and think about why that is if you’ve ever said or thought any of those statements.
No other person can ever know exactly how you feel or what you’ve been through, but if you’ve never given your best in any friendship or relationship, then those statements will ring true. People can only know you when you give of yourself to them.
There is of course those who are deficient in integrity and character and will use whatever you give them against you and that is very unfortunate. Yet, when you give of your heart, there will be a time when those who once lacked those skills will understand just how positively influential you were in their lives and will learn to pass it on.
Listening to my friend today showed me how very powerful our relationship was and that only happens when you love yourself enough to pass it on to others.
So, who knows you so well? If you can’t answer that questions, you might want to look inside yourself and break down some of the fortifications barring your heart from loving and giving. It’s hard to get what you cannot give.
Blessings to you my friends.
You were born to be exceptional, so why do you think you aren’t?
Everything about you is amazing. You were born with a purpose in mind. Have you found that purpose yet?
Have you ever felt that you have nothing to give and therefore are unimportant?
Believe me friends, you are very important! Sometimes, we don’t understand our purpose until we’ve been through the ringer, and why is that? Because, we need to be able to understand how to use our experiences to be the best we can be.
So, if you’re unsure of your purpose at this point in your life, don’t despair! You’re purpose has always been there, it just may be dormant until you have the experience to know how to share it.
Take some time and think about the experiences you’ve had in your life; the good and the bad. How can you use that to propel yourself to the greatness you have inside of you?
I know it really helps you to gain clarity when you write down your experiences and realize what you really have inside of you. Take the lessons you’ve learned in every experience and use those as a guide to your greatness.
God does not make mistakes! I’m happy to share that I was in a devastating accident many years ago that nearly took my leg, but it also saved my life. I was heading down a scary path, but I couldn’t see that at the time. Laying in a hospital bed in traction in my living room gave me time to think about what I was doing and where I was going. That was one painful wake-up call!
I do not wish that kind of painful eye-opener on anyone, but sometimes that’s what it takes to bring you back to where you should be when you stray off your purpose driven path.
When you hear the statement, “Everything happens for a reason”, how does that speak to you? What do you really hear from that statement? What can you take away from that statement and why would it be in your best interest? Think about that for a moment and then write down your take-aways from the painful experience and put it into a reasonable format. What did you learn? How can you apply what you’ve learned? Why do you think you had to go through that experience?
Often, we become very angry at going through a tough, painful or traumatic experience. We then become very guarded and tend to push people away or adopt an attitude of fear, resentment and defensiveness, which will not serve happy relationships with your significant other, family, friends or even your job.
A young lady I interviewed told me that she’d rather be angry about her losses than feel the depression. The anger is how she keeps her grief in check (so she says). She’s consistently using anger to mask her depression over tragic experiences and refuses to allow herself to feel and get through the depression, which would then allow her to release the anger. Consequently, her anger is very apparent in her everyday life. She has terrible road rage, very little if any compassion for other people’s mistakes, and has a hard time connecting with many of her friends, family and especially her children. I’m so very sad for her because she’s missing out on some amazing life experiences because of it. Additionally, because she refuses to get past her anger, her children are growing up thinking it’s okay to always be angry.
Has your anger overtaken you? How can you get past it? There’s a very simple trick to help you overcome your anger; it’s called forgiveness. “What! How can I possibly forgive this or that, him or her, or even God for what happened to me?” Yes, I can hear you saying it.
It’s actually quite a feat to forgive someone who’s hurt you, especially when you believe that God had something to do with it. Let me tell you friend; God does not harm or set out to hurt you. Yet, mankind is a completely different story.
When people feel hurt, they tend to lash out and hurt others. Forgiving is your saving grace for yourself; it’s what gives you peace in your heart. Whether there is ever an apology or not, do your best to forgive the hurts so you may move on to your purpose in life.
If you have trouble forgiving, then you should ask for help. In Matthew, chapter 7, verses 7-8 it says
“7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”
But, beware! Further in the bible you’ll find a warning in James, chapter 4, verses 2-3 where it says
“2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
I firmly believe that asking God to help you forgive, even if it’s for your own self-preservation, is something that He will gladly give you because it also helps those around you.
Remember, hate begets hate, but love begets love. When you’re living in love and peace, others who want to live in love and peace will surround you. Your relationships will flourish and you’ll enjoy a peace you’ve never dreamed possible.
And that, my friends is where you’ll find your exceptional purpose! So remember, use your experiences as your teacher, find the “Miracle in the Muck” and propel yourself to the greatness you were born to have!
My love and blessings to you dear friends.
It’s cold outside. The frost blankets the ground like tiny diamonds, glistening in the morning sun. I walk around the concrete abutment so as not to impair the new, Spring grass budding beneath the minuscule icicles hanging from the blades. As I approach the rose bushes, I realize how long they have survived in blistering heat, drenching rain and heavy snow throughout the years. I look at the cross behind the roses, worn and weathered from the same elements that have spared the roses.
The cross was fashioned from a pattern my son had made in the shape of a sword he wanted for a costume. I had helped him cut it out of the thin press-board after he carefully drew the pattern, free-hand onto the wood. The following week, we made a cross for the side of the road where my son was killed instead of a sword for his costume.
Three years after setting the cross on the side of the highway, we moved out of town. I could not bear to leave the cross as it was something my son had painstakingly created on his own. Therefore, it now sits in my backyard, transplanted into a bronzed container, surrounded by the roses we placed in the church for his funeral.
My son was 20 years old when he moved to Heaven. I no longer had the opportunity before me to watch him grow into a man, to walk with him at his wedding, or attend the birth of his children. The realization of this lost future was devastating to me.
I was blessed to have had two beautiful, amazing children. My son was born just after my 24th birthday and my daughter was born shortly after my 26th birthday. I initially did not want children when I was younger, but having my children changed me and brought me love I never knew I possessed.
Losing my son so tragically, I tried my best not to lock my daughter in a closet. Although she was 18 years old when her brother left us, she was still my baby girl. When she moved out of our home a short time later, I sincerely felt I had lost both of my children. She had moved a whole three hours away and I felt like I had lost my world altogether!
I was so very grateful that my daughter moved back with me for the birth of her first child. I hadn’t really thought too much about grandchildren before that as my children were still young, mostly in my mind. Yet, being with my little girl during the blessed moment she had her son was beyond belief!
I am in no way saying that one child can replace another, but it felt like a new start for me. Although a grandparent’s role is far different than that of being a parent, I felt it still afforded me another chance at being a part of a future I had been denied with my oldest child.
I thought about my grandmothers and how they were an integral part of my life. They were the patience, reasoning and wisdom that young parents have yet to learn. They were always a safe haven when “Mom/Dad doesn’t understand!” To me, my grandparents were angels on earth.
I count myself so very fortunate to have experienced a long life with my grandparents. In fact, I’m 52 years old and still have one grandmother living!
I know there are many people who’ve not grown up with grandparents and I’m so very sad they never knew that special love only a grandparent can give. Fortunately, technology has afforded us with Surrogate Grandparents to help connect families who live too far away, or simply do not have a grandparent in their lives.
Being Gramama to my grand-babies has made my world so very amazing. I love to watch them learn while they play, I love the “out of nowhere” hugs, kisses, snuggles and I love you’s that pop up so randomly. I love the fact that as I’ve grown and matured, I have achieved the kind of wisdom and patience that makes a grandparent who they are to a child.
If you are a grandparent and your grandchildren aren’t close, become a Surrogate Grandparent to a child or children close to you who do not have their grandparents with or near them. The benefits and rewards are so very amazing to both the children and the grandparents who pour out their love to each other, regardless of kinship.
Have a blessed day and remember to share your love and blessings with others!!!
As Valentine’s Day comes upon us, I’d like to remind everyone that we do not all have a “someone” to celebrate it with. As in my case, there are many widows and widowers out there who’ve lost their loves and are not ready to bring someone new into their lives.
Now, that does not necessarily mean we need to spend Valentine’s Day alone or without a small token from someone we love. I’m very fortunate to have amazing family and friends who make sure that I know I’m loved all year ‘round. Yet, Valentine’s Day seems to be the special day when you give a token of your love to someone special.
I’d just like to remind everyone to take a moment and remember someone who’s lost their love, whether to death, separation or divorce. Give that person a card, make heart shaped cookies, a box of chocolate, or any other little token of your love and affection for that person.
If you cannot give a little token, at least spend some time with that person. Go out for coffee, see a movie, make him/her a meal, or best of all; just be present.
My late husband and I were not really big on Valentine’s Day, but we would always get each other our favorite treat. For him it was a bag of turtles (caramel, nut candies) and for me it was chocolate covered strawberries.
This will be my second Valentine’s Day without my husband. This day makes me think of all the little things he used to do for me to make me smile or laugh. I think of those things as happy memories of someone I had the privilege to love, even if only for a short time. Yet, I consider him forever mine.
Although I believe you should show the ones you love that you love them all year long, Valentine’s Day seems to turn some of the biggest grumps into romantic fools. Be a fool and tell those you love, just how much you love them always!
Wedding traditions are in constant flux and are becoming less and less traditional. Yet, there is something to be said for tradition. Tradition maintains social, familial and even personal harmony in life. Problem is; whose tradition do you maintain when marrying a person of different race, culture, religious beliefs, or even same sex?
I’ve attended many weddings and have listened to people who’ve written their own vows, officiants who’ve removed ceremonial wording, and attendees making bets on how long the marriage will last based on the color scheme the bride chose.
I don’t mean to be flippant here, but I’ve seen so many people treat marriage as an interim affiliation rather than a promise to Love, Honor and Obey. Oh yes, I can already hear you cringing at the word “obey”. Yet what “obey” means is literally to “listen to”. If you don’t listen to each other, how will you communicate your wants, needs, and desires to the person you’ve promised to love “Til Death Do Us Part” or will you cringe at that one too?
I’m no expert on marriage, far from it! In fact, I can share with you what NOT to do much easier than I can share what should be done based on my life experience. What I can tell you is, regardless of your race, culture, religious beliefs, or even sexual orientation, when you decide to take the leap of contracting yourself to another human being, you need to be thinking in terms of long-term purchase rather than a month to month lease.
When my last husband and I married, we jointly agreed to have a completely traditional, Christian wedding, with one exception; we married outside, under a gazebo in the park rather than in the church. Essentially, since both of us had previously aligned ourselves with lessees we wanted to be assured we would be enjoying the benefits as property owners this time.
Yes, I mean “property owners”. Do you believe that sounds derogatory? Why? Because people have misused and abused the true meaning of the significance in “The Two Shall Become One”.
Did we have arguments? Yes. Did we disagree on some issues? Yes. Were there times we couldn’t stand being in the same room together? Yes. Did those things destroy our marriage and commitment to each other? No
Why do you believe some people can make it when others can’t? Is it because of the words? I believe that words are very powerful and can make or break any way of life.
My last husband was a pretty awesome guy. Sometimes, he really tried my nerves and sometimes I just couldn’t believe how lucky I was to call him mine. The point is that we made a commitment that neither one of us had really made before. We also realized that there were times when we just had to move on with our own opinions and make the choice to continue loving each other.
My husband died in my arms. It was an extremely painful experience to maintain my sanity through his illness and honor my word. Yet, as hard as it was, I have no regrets and feel forever grateful that I finally figured out what it really meant to have the kind of love, loyalty and devotion that we shared; even through the worst life had to throw at us.
I pray that all who read this understand that in any marriage there are going to be ups and downs. If you promise to “To love and Cherish, For Better or Worse, For Richer or Poorer, In Sickness and In Health, Til Death Do Us Part” and remember to keep that promise, you’ll most likely not have regrets either.
There are many views, both good and bad that depict Christmas. There is a very long history of the origins of “Christmas” and none of them are favorable to the meaning current day Christians host in their hearts. Most people in the last century, not just Christians, consider Christmas to be the celebration of the birth of Christ. Christ is considered to be the savior, God in the flesh, who came to wash away the sins of those who believed in Him.
Considering the life of Christ is depicted in one of the oldest history books in print beginning with Gutenberg’s printing press, there is always speculation as to the thoughts, perceptions, authenticity and following of the bible.
There are numerous religions associated with Christianity. As such, there are numerous interpretations and beliefs associated with the following of religion itself. Whereas Christmas is concerned as the depiction of the celebration of the birth of Christ, I see no reason at all for anyone to believe other than what they wish. Even in some religions of Christianity, the congregation does not follow or participate in “Christmas”.
For those who claim to live their lives according to the teachings, rules, rites of religion or laws of the bible, please be aware that even in the bible, it is taught to love others as you would love yourself and not to force others to believe as you believe. According to the bible, God gave man free will, which means that if He forced others to love him, it isn’t love at all. You must choose to love Him, choose to believe in Him and choose to follow Him.
Although the Jewish faith does not consider Christmas as a celebration of the birth of Christ and does not rejoice in the festivities, I remember speaking once with a Jewish gentleman in regard to their holiday of Hanukkah. I was intrigued of his story, but was nearly shocked when he said that his family also celebrated Christmas. He explained that also they did not believe in Christmas or celebrate it in their faith, he did not want to deprive his children of the magic, love, giving and fun of the season.
It was at this time, that I took a different look at Christmas and what it has become for many people, both religious and not religious. Christmas has become a holiday of sharing love, giving, lights, fancy to-do’s and rejoicing in the treasures of the season. Even those who strongly and reverently consider Christmas as a celebration of the birth of Christ more often than not still put up a Christmas tree, tell their children to be good for Santa Claus to bring them presents, and decorate their homes and yards in lights and characters of the winter season. None of the merriment takes away from your belief.
So, the next time someone comes up to you and says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, there is no need to be offended. There are many holidays in the winter season and most people are merely including all of them, just as I do.
I follow the teachings of Christ because I choose to. I do not hate or fear those who do not. Are there bad people in religions? Yes! But, there are bad people everywhere and it doesn’t necessarily matter what religion they follow or not follow. Just remember, those who do good and help others, will reap what they sow and vice-versa; and that little “law” is prevalent in almost every religion!
I pray that everyone has a Merry Christmas and a magical holiday season. Remember to share the love with others!